Being the parent of a soccer player is a tough job. You’re carting stinky kids all over town while racking up the digits on the odometer like a slot machine. And if it’s raining on game day, matters only get worse. Finding a place to store those muddy jerseys, cleats, and offspring can be a real problem. As you throw those nasty things (kids are included here) in the back of your new SUV, the vehicle depreciates a little more. By the end of the season, you can expect the car to smell like a wet cat that’s been digging in the dumpster at a sardine factory.

So, what do you if you’re soccer mom or dad that doesn’t want to kill the value of their new car or SUV? You buy a minivan. But, it can’t be just any van. It has to be the one we found on Facebook’s Marketplace. This American made machine is guaranteed to get the kids to and from the games and with the quickness.

The 2002 Astro van has been LS-swapped with 5.3-liters of cammed furry. This little beauty has more thump than that silly rabbit from the movie Bambie. Armed with traction bars, an aluminum radiator, and a custom centered exhaust system, all of those other lame soccer parents will know you mean business when you roll up for a game or practice.

Is it rear-wheel-drive? Yes.
Does it have ample room? We don’t care.
Will it rip massive burnouts and let freedom ring when you smash the loud pedal? Hell yeah, brother, it will!

The paint and bodywork on this mini-me hauler is laser straight. And the interior is immaculate for an 18-year old vehicle. In fact, it’s almost to nice for those rugrats striving to be like David Beckham that will inevitably fail while draining you of all of your finances before becoming a professional athlete, but I digress. Someone needs this LS-swapped beauty even if you don’t have kids. It’s just too cool and can be yours for only $5,800.